


At Least It's Not The Pyramids

by Laily



Series: Now That's What I Call Magic! [13]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Humor, Implied Mpreg, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laily/pseuds/Laily
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a Loki scorned.
Relationships: Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Stephen Strange, Tony Stark & Stephen Strange
Series: Now That's What I Call Magic! [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581754
Comments: 17
Kudos: 85





	At Least It's Not The Pyramids

“That’s…rather manual of you.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Well…you’re both magic, you and Stephen. Your barriers have stopped more than your fair share of demons and extraterrestrials and whatnot, haven’t they?”

“What happens if I'm suddenly called away and the magic barrier runs out of juice? Do I look like I’m made out of lithium?" 

“Uh, according to Bruce you’re 20% carbon, just slightly more than us humans - ”

“I’ll carbonise you if you don’t track this scoundrel down for me right this instant.”

“And didn’t it ever occur to you that anything below a hundred dollars for a natural timber playpen might just sound too good to be true?”

“Stark.”

“On it, on it.” A sigh. “The site’s IP address changes constantly, and the name server uses a low TTL so my computer constantly queries the name server’s record, keeps giving me a different address every time. This might take some time…”

“I thought you said you were good at this.”

An indignant, “I am.”

“I thought you said you were a genius.”

An even more indignant, “I _am!_ ”

“You Midgardians give yourselves too much credit sometimes.”

“And you aliens too little,” Tony said sweetly. “Gullibility is such an endearing quality in a superior being such as yourself.”

“Shut up,” Loki grumbled. “Can you find this despicable piece of offal or not?”

Tony shrugged. “Of course I can. And I have. I was just stringing you along.”

“Stark!”

“The piece of offal is currently…holed up in an apartment building in Hangzhou City, having the best time of their life purloining people’s hard-earned money.” Tony sat up straighter in his chair. “Speaking of, since it is the duty of us geniuses to protect simpletons like you from falling victim to online fraud, I should probably blackhole his IP address while I’m at it - ”

“No. No blackholing.”

A murderous aura began to gather like a heavy raincloud over Tony’s head. “Loki?”

“Nobody gets away with scramming me. _Me.”_

 _“_ Uhm, the term is _scamming_ by the way - ”

“Scram, scam.” Loki peered into the mirror and righted the horns on his helmet by a fraction. “All punishable by death.”

“I totally understand where you’re coming from, Lokes, I mean, Pepper used to get into all these moods when she was pregnant too, but death…that’s just a little bit harsh, don’t you think?”

“Harsh? Maybe. But Midgardian laws are quite inconsistent for me to make a sound judgment so…I’m just going to go with what feels right.”

“Come on, Games, the guy just scammed you out of what, 30 dollars? I can get you a playpen if you want, consider it an early baby shower gift, what do you say?”

“You would enable a criminal?” Loki’s eyes darkened. “Aiding and abetting too was a crime punishable by death back in Asgard.”

They locked stares for a few more seconds before Tony sank back in his chair, which suddenly felt ten times bigger. In a voice multiple times smaller in contrast, he finally asked, “What do I say to Stephen?”

“You’ll think of something,” Loki said coolly. “I have faith in your genius.”

“How nice,” Tony managed weakly. "Have fun."

Loki smiled sweetly. “Thank you, Stark. You’re a true friend.”

Tony calculated the seconds silently in his head. It would not do to have Loki catch him red-handed whistleblowing, as he had nearly done a few hair-raising times before. He picked up the phone and hit speed-dial.

It was answered before the first dial tone ended.

“We have a situation.”

A heavy sigh. “Where is he headed now?”

“China.” Tony rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I’m sending you the coordinates as we speak.”

“Damages?”

“Thirty dollars.” And by rough calculation, that piece of real estate in central Hangzhou with its ancient temples and pavilions and other various world-heritage sites in its vicinity? “Thirty million if you don’t make it there in the next five minutes.”

Precious seconds ticked by.

“At least it’s not the pyramids this time,” Stephen said in that resigned, longanimous tone of voice Tony was becoming more accustomed to with each Loki-related disaster they managed to avert, and he wondered, not for the first time, what sort of world Stephen and Loki were living in.

It made him wonder if he himself was in too deep upon discovering that he could not, for the life of him, agree more.

“At least it’s not the pyramids.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by true events. PSA - if it looks too good to be true, it probably is!


End file.
